VIDEO VAULT: Nadal + Ronaldo + Nike = BRILLIANT

Footennis is SO very.

[Via Nike Football]

SIGHTING: Model Zaira Nara all up in Monaco's box

WAG Zaira Nara watched boy toy, Juan Monaco, back up his win over Andy Roddick by crushing Mardy Fish 6-1, 6-3 to reach the Sony Ericsson Open semifinals, his second trip to a Masters 1000. He'll face top baller Novak Djokovic for a place in Sunday's final.

It was also the Argentine's 28th birthday. Nice present, eh?

[Photo(s) credit: Al Bello/Getty Images]

PHOTO OP: Serena Williams is aghast

"The purple thing with the white lines...put the ball there!"

Serena Williams couldn't find her game and Caroline Wozniacki took full advantage, ousting the 5-time Sony Ericsson champ 6-4, 6-4 in the quarterfinals and earning her first win over ReRe. The Dane will face off against Maria Sharapova, who finally beat Li Na 6-3, 6-0 after losing the last four, in the semifinals.

Yeah, Wozzi did her usual counter-puncher-thingy but with a little bit more...er...aggression? It's true. She hit her first serve with some pop at times and her forehand held up against ReRe's which found the net more than anything else. Maybe being knocked from the WTA Penthouse will end up being the best thing that could've happened to Wozzi. Maybe.

[Photo(s) credit: Michael Regan/Getty Images]

PHOTO OP: Dolgopolov's hairy situation

Alexandr Dolgopolov is taking this whole "co-ed on spring break" thing a little too far. 

What's next - a tramp stamp?

[Photo(s) credit: Matthew Stockman/Getty Images]

FASHION FIX: Venus Williams returns in Miami, revamps EleVen

There were two big returns to the court today at the Sony Ericsson Open in Miami. Well, two and a half. First, Alisa Kleybanova. She played her first match since leaving the WTA tour 10 months ago to get treatment for Hodgkin's Lymphoma - and won. Next up was Venus Williams. She hadn't played a singles match since announcing she was suffering from Sjögren's Syndrome 7 months ago at the US Open. She won her opening match as well, routing Kimiko Date-Krumm 6-0, 6-3.

And now for the half. I say "half" not because it's half as good or anything but because it just doesn't compare to these two lady ballers coming back from these serious health conditions. But, it's worth a mention: EleVen is back, too!

V broke out a new dress for her match from the relaunched 2012 Spring Collection which has evolved into more sportswear than just sports apparel. Apparently, she now has an excuse for the full-on cray she had been wearing on court as of late. You know - this, this, this, this, this. It was all an "experiment." Like pairing a brown belt with black shoes. Or chunky bangs. This new EleVen is the rawlness (my word, not hers). And, get this - there's now a men's line. V's planning on having mass distribution for EleVen so more people can wear what she wears on court.

It's a fine restart. Some basics with a bit of fashion thrown in (loving the "Oh & Oh" tagline). And, V definitely upped the quality quotient from what I can tell in the pictures. I'll be interested to see how the collections evolve and where she ends up selling it. But, I give her full credit for continuing to build the Venus Williams brand. Young lady ballers, pay attention. There's life after tennis so be prepared.

More shots from the EleVen capsule collection after the jump - click the headline!

GUEST POST: The German 5 on the rise

By Anna Nartova

In the semifinals of Dubai Duty Free Tennis Open, Julia Goerges defeated Caroline Wozniacki for the third consecutive time, so I thought it was high time to document the whirlwind revival of German women’s tennis. Although these girls haven’t reached the heights of Steffi Graf yet, having 5 players rising to the WTA Top 40 is more than ‘fantastisch.’

Read the rest of "The German 5" after the jump. Click the headline, y'all.

(UPDATED) QUOTE OF THE DAY: Victoria Azarenka

If I relax my butt a little bit, somebody's going to come and kick it.

- Victoria Azarenka on being the top lady baller

And by "somebody" she means the "little magician." And by "little magician" she means, er, a Polish lady baller who can't wait to do just what Vika said after what she said about Vika. 

Ay, what a telenovela. Can't wait to read into all of the stare downs, fist pumps and other on-court dramz during their Indian Wells quarterfinal. Just grab your popcorn and ENJOY.

UPDATE: Forget a telenovela. More like a mini-commercial break. Ouch.

[Photo(s) credit: Jeff Gross/Getty Images]

Persistence pays off for McHale

Then world No. 1 Caroline Wozniacki. Current No. 1 Victoria Azarenka. Svetlana Kuznetsova. Marion Bartoli. Petra Kvitova knows exactly what they were thinking when they went down to the unassuming Christina McHale (something close to "What the hell???"). The Wimbledon champ was ousted from Indian Wells by the American 2-6, 6-2, 6-3 in the third round.

It's hard to pinpoint what it is that Christina does to fluster these bigger lady ballers. She doesn't have obvious weapons and she moves fine. Let's see. The 19-year old likes the big stage, that's for sure. But what else? She's pretty solid off the ground. But what I think gets to them is her dogged persistence. Like a terrier, she wouldn't let go of her fun, squeaky chew toy once she got hold of it (that being Petra and her squawk). The American could've gone into shell shock mode after getting spanked by Petra's piercing ground game in the first set but she waited for her opportunity - and you just know you'll get at least one with the Czech. And when Christina found her opening she held on.

Continued good signs for her development. Let's see how she builds off this win.

[Photo(s) credit: Matthew Stockman/Getty Images]

VIDEO VAULT: Wozniacki gets worked on and over

"Life on the tennis tour isn't glamorous." Whoever said that is a fucking liar. Just watch this video from the WTA. And just to rub it in they zoom in and follow Caroline Wozniacki as stylists, including Oriflame's Jonas Wramell, brush, pull and primp at the Dane to get her ready for a baller party.

Yeah, they're right. This totally looks like work. Sorta like my job but without the hair, makeup, pretty clothes, stylists, cameras, electronica soundtrack and birds:


[Photo(s) and video credit: WTA]

VIDEO VAULT: It's all fun and games at Madison Square Garden

Struggling Andy Roddick STUNNED the tennis world when he shocked Dubai champ Roger Federer 7-5, 7-6 (7) in the opening, er, only round at tonight's BNP Paribas Showdown at Madison Square Garden. "I feel like Jeremy Lin wanted me to win," said A-Rod afteward. No doubt.

Some other stuff happened, too, involving a dancing Maria Sharapova, Caroline Wozniacki (who lost to Shrieka 6-3, 6-4) and the Dane's boy toy, top golfer Rory McIlroy (all I have to say is "hair" and "why?"). See video.

 [Video: JOTennisVideos]