PHOTO OP: The crowd is as stunned as you are

"My head size is based on true measurements."

This is an actual person in an actual parade in Lucerne, Switzerland dressed as Roger Federer after a WWE match carting around a trophy and somethings resembling his daughters.

This is wrong on so many levels. Where's Mirka? Why do the mangoes look all Benjamin Button? Why is he about to beat the mangoes? What the hell is going on here?

Okay, I've scared myself. I'll stop now.


[Photo(s): Reuters]

We're like soul sisters, me and that Sveta

WHAT?!?!

She said, eh, tweeted it not me. I may have thought it lots though. Fine, it's my mantra.

It's also a slow tennis news week. Sue me.

[Screen Grab: Twitter]

MEDIA MASHUP: Paying homage to Amelie

The organizers of the Open GEF SUEZ paid tribute to Amelie Mauresmo during an emotional ceremony on Center Court of the Pierre de Coubertin Stadium. The former No. 1 officially announced her retirement on December 3, 2009.

Frenchies Julie Coin, Alizé Cornet, Nathalie Dechy stood along side Patty Schnyder, Francesca Schiavone, Tathiana Garbin, Alisa Kleybanova and Flavia Penetta while watching a video highlighting her many achievements. Elena Dementieva offered some special words for the 2-time Grand Slammer saying, "I feel sad today. Amélie, you're one of the very best, and you're leaving. Younger players will always remember 'the Mauresmo years.' And I'm not even sure that anyone can replace you here." You can hear the full speech in French here.

Franca, though, had the best line of the evening when she told Amelie, "You wrote part of tennis' history. You were my idol. So please, don't come back!" Nice.

I have to say it was great to see a certain someone who's been injured for what seems like FOREVAH make a special appearance during the ceremony:


LOVE the boots Tati - you still got it. But one of the most teary-eyed moments came when Amelie's mom, Françoise, walked onto the court carrying a bouquet of flowers for her now-retired daughter. *grabs kleenex*



A beautiful tribute to someone whose game and personality is sorely missed on the WTA tour. Here's some video from the ceremony. Enjoy!

CHECK IT:



[Photo(s): Reuters, Getty]

QUOTE OF THE DAY: SAMPRAS

Anything is possible, but it's not probable. The French is a big one and he's going to have to defend that against all these Nadals and Verdascos. Things need to fall into place — a great draw and great weather — but it's a tough hurdle. Wimbledon will be tough too, but Roger's a freak of nature.

- Pete Sampras on Roger Federer's chances of completing the Calendar Slam this season

Out of all those "Nadals and Verdascos" the only real worry for the Swiss on clay is the real Rafa. Fed has been the second best clay courter for a few years before making good so it's plausible he'll defend his Roland Garros title if Rafa comes in rusty or, worse, bruised up.

I think the biggest obstacle, in terms of majors, to a Calendar Slam this year could be the U.S. Open. It's a more even playing field and gives a number of ballers a chance to get inside matches with the 16-time Grand Slammer. It's still a tough prospect even on his bad days and their good ones but as Juan Martin del Potro showed last season it's possible. You just better be ready to seal the deal, and probably over five sets. But it's possible.

[Photo(s): Getty]

SEPARATED AT BIRTH: Robin vs. Nick

I'm sitting here watching the snow fall heavily in New York - 16" maybe - and spotted this photo of Robin Haase competing in Rotterdam. I swear he has a passing resemblance to the baby of the Jonas Brothers, Nick. Or maybe that's what Nick will look like when he finally passes puberty (srsly, what's taking so long?)

[Photo(s): Reuters, exposay.com]

Wait - didn't TennisWeek.com shut down already?

"I could crush you both with a single decker. And you'd like it."

Eye-spy two smiley people on this page who don't seem to mind having their journalistic endeavors smothered by "Brooklyn's Double Deckers", the top headline on the TENNIS.com site highlighting its continued desire to move from serious media outlet to, eh, another blog. Good luck to ya.

Anyway, I bet there's one person who can't believe she got passed over for a swimsuit model on the main page of a tennis site. Sheesh, Brooklyn really IS powerful. She so deserved that cover.

[PHOTO[S]: TENNIS.com]

Cutting the tennis calendar could ruin someone's sex life (no, really)

Sports Illustrated's Bruce Jenkins is rallying the call for a shorter tennis season in his latest column aptly titled "The season that never, ever ends." And boy, does it NEVAH.

Jenkins gives some insight into who, or what, may be to blame:

"Pick any city on either tour -- it's a seemingly endless list -- and there are extremely wealthy people who can't wait to spend millions of dollars, sponsor a pro event, put on their tennis shorts, schmooze with the elite and generally act like bigshots. These are magnificent, cosmopolitan cities, for the most part. Players see the irresistible lure of travel, revenue, rankings points, reputation, and perhaps some exotic late-night companionship (never rule out the sex factor at the top level of any sport)."

Yes, the international search for sex can never be underestimated when dealing with these matters. Just ask Curlbis.

[Photo(s): HCFoo.com]

MEDIA MASHUP: Is it 'Ana' or is it 'Anna'?

The cover of the 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue has been unveiled and tennis WAG Brooklyn Decker has grabbed the highly-coveted spot this year! The 22-year old and wife to Andy Roddick is appearing in the big issue for the fifth time but first time on the cover.

Her tennis ballin' hubby tweeted this after finding out the news: "so happy/proud of my wife... the new cover for sports illustrated swimsuit issue!!!! unreal... so excited!!!!!!!!!!"

Click here for more images and video of Brooklyn's photoshoot.



A swimsuit-clad Ana Ivanovic is also making an appearance in this year's issue in a shoot that looks eerily similar to another former lady baller's photoshoot for K-Swiss:



See guys - who needs to win tennis matches when you look as good as these women? Just toss a net around their bodies, push them into a vat of balls and you've got a career (and a lifetime supply of adidas duds as well.)

Click here for more shots of NaturAna from the issue and some behind-the-scenes video taken at her shoot:



[Photo(s): SportsIllustrated.com, K-Swiss]

(UPDATED) Apparently NaturAna's club name is K-Stew

Kristen Stewart, eh, Ana Ivanovic unveiled the redesign of her website which now looks like some kind of disco wonderland. There's even a new section called "Club Ana" where you can send in questions for the Serb to answer, get downloads and participate in the forum. No beats at 140 bpm as of yet, though.

So, I guess if you can't have the world at your fingertip (read: going 0-3 in FED CUP this past weekend) then a disco ball might do, right K-Stew?

She also announced a new lifetime deal with sponsor adidas that includes wearing their products for the rest of her career and becoming an ambassador for the brand upon retirement from competitive tennis.

"I’m very proud to wear adidas for the rest of my career. adidas has helped me immensely over the last few years by providing me with great products and unique services off the court including the adidas Player Development Program," she said in a statement. "Therefore, this long-term contract extension means a lot to me and was a logical decision. I feel thrilled to be a member of the adidas family and I am very much looking forward to working with adidas on many projects in the future."

It's pretty impressive - or foolhardy - to see a brand like adidas make a lifetime commitment on a lady baller whose career is heading anywhere but up. They must really believe in the "Ana Brand" and her ability to turn her results around. But if Nike can back up Maria Sharapova with $70 million over what's likely the remainder of her career even though she's in a rut then I don't see why adidas can't do the same with NaturAna.

UPDATE: I think the post-tennis adidas option should help with the big fam she's hoping to have... (thanks Djangoo!)

[Photo(s): AnaIvanovic.com]