Baby Mango does sound better than Baby Bastard

So as I was stuffing my face and drinking myself silly at a local bar as part of a master escape plan from a baby shower Kalil + I were invited to today (did they think we'd have fun there just because we're gaybies?), I was inundated with emails and comments tipping me off to the latest Roger Federer surprise: RoKa finally tied the knot!

The announcement was made via his website:

Dear Fans

Earlier today, in my hometown of Basel, surrounded by a small group of close friends and family, Mirka and I got married. It was a beautiful spring day and an incredibly joyous occasion.

Mr. and Mrs. Roger Federer wish all of you a Happy Easter weekend.

Love,
Roger

It's been a whirlwind month for the 13-time Grand Slammer: the upcoming birth of Baby Mango was announced, he took out Wilson in Miami, backtracked on Monte Carlo, and now marriage.

But Mirka has her long-awaited ring, a baby bump, and, depending on the laws, at least half of his earnings to boot. Nice moves, though I'm hoping *fingers crossed* she had the decency NOT to text in her vows. Addictions are nasty.

In any case, congrats to RoKa!!!

(image via getty)

JC contemplating retirement, Marat to blame

Color me sad today.

Word comes from TENNIS.com's ticker that Juan Carlos Ferrero is contemplating retirement at the end of this season:

Juan Carlos Ferrero says Marat Safin's impending retirement has prompted him to think along the same lines. "The motivation is not there after 11 years," said Ferrero, adding that he will make a decision at the end of the year about whether to play for another season.

The former French Open champ, currently ranked No. 115, returned to the tour in Casablanca this week after an abductor problem kept him sidelined during March. Ferrero is 29, the same age as Safin.

Ferrero said that when he does retire, he would like to help train young players and become more involved in his hometown tournament in Valencia, as well as the hotel he owns there.

Damn you Marat - first you break our hearts with your retirement talk and now you've got another cutie thinking along the same lines.

My weekend's ruined before it even began. Happy Friday. Blech.

*head hits keyboard*

(image via getty)

PHOTO OP: Shrieka pimps out TAG Heuer, not so Pris-sy anymore (phew)

Maria Sharapova's starring in the latest campaign for TAG Heuer called "What Are You Made Of?".

The campaign asks people to help the charities of their fave TAG ambassador including Tiger Woods, Leonardo Dicaprio and Shrieka.

Is it just me or does it look like Shrieka's about to take someone out brass knuckle style with that watch in the first picture? I'd be afraid to meet the Ice Queen in a dark alley.

In any case, I'm relieved the watchmaker didn't go all Pris-sy with the Russian again. Egads.


(images via mariasharapova.com)

Fed gets jump start on clay season, accepts wildcard into Monte Carlo

Thanks to a number of readers for alerting me to Roger Federer's recent change of heart.

The 13-time Grand Slammer has decided to play Monte Carlo next week to get an early jump on his clay-court season:

Via his website:

Dear Fans

I have decided to accept a wildcard into the Monte-Carlo Rolex Masters tournament that begins on Monday. I will head there this weekend to start the clay court season.

Thanks to all of you for your continued support.

All the best,

Roger

I guess Fed's season isn't going as he probably planned - duh. At least this will give us fans an early opportunity to see where his clay-court game stands in relation to the big boys. Let's hope it's further along than his hard-court game, though.

(image via getty)

MEDIA MASHUP: Rafa + Murray take their hard shoes off, put their clay feet on

Rafael Nadal, who was spotted putting around Mallorca yesterday, has begun his clay-court preparations with Monte Carlo beginning next week. The world's top baller is the 4-time defending champ at the tourney.

After the practice session, Rafa sat down with IB3 to discuss his results so far and his prospects for the clay season. Here's some of what he had to say according to his site:

About the beginning of the season:

I’m very happy with my results so far as they give me some kind of peace inside; however, it’s only the start of the year.

About the first clay-court tournament of the year:

I can only try to do the best I can in Monte Carlo and try to play at my highest level. That’s the only way I can have good results. The last 4 times there I won, there is something about that tournament that just fits with my game but you never know of course.

About Barcelona…

Barcelona is one of the best clay court tournaments, it’s good history and it’s special to me. I’m playing there for a special reason…I don’t get points or a title, so instead I’m playing there because some of the best players in history have played there.

Andy Murray also hit the red clay for the first time this season in Roehampton. He only went for a light hit since he's still recovering from his triumphant run in Miami and the long trip back home.





So, Andy maybe inching closer to Rafa in terms of his game and his recent results but his arse? Not so much. Nice try though.


(images via andymurray.com)

Dinara's move in date set, residence in WTA Penthouse "a great honor"

Dinara Safina is set to move into the WTA Penthouse on April 20th after Serena Williams was defeated in her opening match in Marbella yesterday.

The Russian will become only the second lady baller (Sharapova) from her country to hold the keys while she and big bro' Marat are the first brother + sister to have held the top spot.


Here's what Dinara had to say about the honor:

It's a great honor to reach the No.1 ranking and it is a dream every girl who has ever wanted to play professional tennis shares. It is even extra special for me since my brother Marat was able to reach the No.1 ranking and I am happy to share this achievement with him. There's no question that while I am very proud of my results over the past year, I would have liked to reach this achievement in a different manner. I hope to prove to everyone over the coming months that I merit the honor of being world No.1.

Yes, we're all hoping the same thing. Obviously it's not your fault the WTA's system is severely screwy but it is what it is.

So in the meantime, CONGRATS!!!

PS - I'll be looking for my invite to the housewarming. I give good gifts. Seriously.

(image via getty)

PHOTO OP: Is it the dress, the hair, or the bike chain that's all wrong?

Maria Sharapova is diving full-force into the glamorous Hollywood life.

The 3-time Grand Slammer, who is in midst of planning some major TV projects, was the guest of honor at a dinner thrown by fashion partner Cole Haan at the Chateau Marmont in LA.

Shrieka was joined by a bevy of celebs including actors Josh Hartnett, Jason Lewis, Kerry Washington, and Lily Collins.

Clearly she's been having some hairy situations as of late but even her fashion here is questionable. Is that dress being held together by tape? Plus, I don't know even know how she's standing up under the weight of that bike chain around her neck. Ick.

Here's my advice: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HOLLYWOOD.

See more images from the dinner here.

Shrieka + Josh Hartnett

Shrieka, Jason Lewis, Kerry Washington, Lily Collins

UPDATE: Thanks to Maja for the link to Marlie taking a relaxing stroll while having cameras shoved in their face. Nice shoes Charlie.


(images via wireimage)

Serena beaten in Marbella, will lose keys to WTA Penthouse

Serena Williams - surprise, surprise - lost her opening round match in Marbella 6-4, 3-6, 6-1 to Czech Klara Zakopalova. The 10-time Grand Slammer was clearly still struggling with the left leg injury she sustained in Miami as she was broken seven times in the match.

Click here to listen as ReRe discusses the reasons why she made the long trip despite the injury.

So I believe, based on this result, Dinara Safina will officially take the keys to the WTA Penthouse on April 20th after Charleston. ReRe needed to win in Marbella and defend her title in the southern city to keep her set.

Congrats to Dinara but I still think it's crap.

(image via andalucia tennis experience)

PHOTO OP: Rafa hits the green in khaki on his early Easter break

Rafael Nadal was spotted on the green in Mallorca getting an early jump on his Easter weekend holiday accompanied by two unknown, yet super cute, friends (can anyone ID them?).

I'm not a huge fan of golf and less a fan of golf clothing but Rafa somehow makes these fashions look damn good, especially the khakis. Actually, it's probably no mystery how he does it.

*swoons*





(via eltoroderafa, courtesy of photo agency)

VIDEO VAULT: La Monf shows Shrieka how it's REALLY done

Here's a new video by Prince featuring Gael Monfils discussing and pimping out his new EXO3 Rebel stick.

La Monf is seen doing his usual acrobatics around the court while seeming so genuine and natural (not to mention huggable) during the interview as he regurgitates the great benefits of his new racquet.

Are you listening Shrieka? It's possible to be GENUINE and NATURAL while doing your job - you may want to ring up the Frenchie for some lessons.

Just sayin'.

CHECK IT:



(video via prince)