VIDEO VAULT: Three call outs from Victoria Azarenka's post-match interview

1. "Kinder"
2. "dance, dance, dance..."
3. "[the trophy] feels magical..." No, what's magical are those BOOM BOOMS. While I may not like them for you, I'm convinced they have super powers. Prepare the BOOM BOOMS's trophy case. Or get them bronzed.

[Via: AustralianOpenTV]

PHOTO OP: We found love in a hopeless place

"One day it'll be yours. No, not me silly."

 If that's the consolation prize, sign me up.

[Photo(s) credit: Pool/aaron Favila/AFP/Getty Images]

FASHION FIX: It's short but not so sweet

I know, I know. Everyone's talking about the shriekfest of a final we're all going to endure between former champ Maria Sharapova and Victoria Azarenka tomorrow at the Australian Open. It's been fodder for the tennis media and bloggeratti so there's no need for me to add to the noise. But, people, there's something more sinister going on besides the idea of the shriek as gamesmanship (c'mon girls, you're losing the PR battle here). What I find most disturbing does involve Vika, but it's not what's coming out of her mouth, at least not this time. It's what's on her ass: The BOOM BOOMS. There, I said it.

Those white unassuming Nike BOOM BOOMS, on their own, are fine. They work really well in a practice session or match on a smaller court with a small, gathering crowd of drooling young boys and probably a few girls (it's tennis remember). But in a Grand Slam final??? Not. Appropriate. I don't blame the her, though. If I recall correctly, it was Venus Williams who broke the barrier back in 2007 and set the dangerous precedent when she wore white BOOM BOOMS from then-sponsor Reebok during her Wimbledon win against Marion Bartoli:

That's one barrier she should've left alone.

Of course, not everyone feels this way. In fact, some have been complimenting the fact that the BOOM BOOMS give off good leg for Vika. Her agent and former WTA lady baller, Meilen Tu, has been going on about "da legs" on Twitter while reader Wayne said "She looks way hot in those shorts!" over on the Down the Line! Facebook page. Her legs do look good, though "hot" and BOOM BOOMS are reserved, at least here, for shirtless boys in uncompromising positions on the tennis court (or in my head). If this sentiment sounds a little sexist, I'll say in my defense that at the very least I try to remain an equal opportunity offender.

I guess it's too much to imagine she might actually put on something else besides the BOOM BOOMS--maybe a a top with a skirt that actually gives her some curves--for her first major final. Oh, that's the other thing: They're not flattering on her. She's too straight up-and-down. Now, put them on Rafa. Seriously, I think we've got a winner.

[Photo(s) credit: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images]

VIDEO VAULT: Thank you, Wilson

Most tennis commercials for pretty much anything make me want to turn the channel. Actually, they work pretty well as white noise for bedtime (counting sheep just doesn't cut it anymore - boo). They bore me to whatever is worse than tears.

But after catching these commercials by Wilson for their Juice & Steam racquets--in particular this one starring first-time major quarterfinalist Kei Nishikori--during some of Tennis Channel's Australian Open coverage, I felt a strange sensation building inside my belly. No, not gas. It was a giggle. A loud and true giggle.

I cracked up at a tennis commercial. Miracles really do happen kids.

[Via: Wilson]

PHOTO OP: Tomas Berdych is all wet

"So, how long can you hold your breath under water? Just curious..."

I know you're just dying to see the rest of Tomas Berdych taking a swim during a break from the Australian Open. More pics after the jump - click the headline.

P.S. If I had my way around the marketing of tennis, you know this would be my strategy. All. The. Time.

Melbourne from the middle

Ahhh, what a great off-season. And, no, it didn't involve giddily dipping a dance girl on a tennis court. That's Jo-Wilfried Tsonga and not one of my vacay pics. In case you were confused. Because it happens. Sometimes.

Anyway, I’ve been away for a bit and missed the season-opening tourneys and the first week of the Australian Open. But there was a silver lining. You got to see Rafael Nadal’s ass grab for about two months. No harm there.

Life has been busy. My full-time gig is going well but there’s bigger news: I’m getting married! Married? Yes, married. Married?? Yes, MARRIED! 2012 is the year I finally do the deed. Well, more like "we." Kalil and I always said if we could get legally married in NYC we would do it. So when Governor Cuomo announced the bill had passed making gay marriage legal in New York state last year, we looked at each other and excitedly said, “I guess we’re getting married!” It’s truly a special time right now. There’s so much to plan (no wedding planner…blame my control issues) and organize. But it’s all good. Really REALLY good.

What’s also really REALLY good is what’s going to come in the second week of the Australian Open. The big ballers on both the men’s and women’s sides are still around which means epic battles are most likely on the Aussie horizon. Novak Djokovic and Maria Sharapova are barely losing games. Juan Martin del Potro is showing some of that old form that made him a Grand Slam champ. He’s been steadily rounding into devastating form.

The veterans—Roger Federer, Serena Williams, Kim Clijsters—have drool-worthy quarterfinals to look forward to. Fed gets Delpo and ReRe will get Shrieka if she gets by Ekaterina Makarova (no offense, Macky, but really…). And the defending women’s champ, who just about got the boot until she houdinied her way from 4 match points down and a balky ankle to beat Li Na, gets top seed Caroline Wozniacki in the quarters.

And there’s still Rafa, Andy Murray, Petra Kvitova and Victoria Azarenka in the mix. Suffice it to say there aren’t any true feel good, prodigy-against-the-draw or journeyballer-on-a-hot-streak stories this season in Melbourne. But that’s okay. I’ll take a a few classic throw downs between top ballers under the lights any day because you just know it’s going to be good. Really REALLY good.

[Photo(s) credit: Reuters]